Ida is now just over three months old, the child-rearing books and apps that I read tend to agree that right about now is the time that baby should be getting on a schedule. While some days it seems like we have gotten into a routine of what happens when, most days it’s a total free-for-all around here. Because Jason and I both work from home and have unpredictable schedules ourselves, getting Ida used to doing things at certain times seems impossible.
Books recommend that one chose a scheduling style: Parent led, baby led, or a combo. The way I operate, my instincts say that our style would be a combo–hoping to meet all of our needs by being flexible but still trying to keep some type of general order. Trouble is, I’m not even sure how to begin to get into a routine with her when I am not on one myself. I have a hard enough time fitting in all the parenting while getting my own stuff done–let alone trying to do it all within a certain timeline. Part of me feels like things will just magically fall into place (or time)–but part of me (the really exhausted part) thinks–what if it doesn’t??
Have you had experiences getting your babies into a routine? The books are great but I feel like it’s so much more helpful to hear stories from parents who are kinda like me. Any words of wisdom for me? (You were so amazing with breast-feeding help–I figured I’d turn to you for this, too). Thanks, friends!
Susan says
Gorgeous pics as usual…love the one of her smiling with you! We finally have the twins on a schedule…they just turned 4 months old. It is a combo of parent/baby led…we stick to the eat/play/sleep mantra and they seem happy with it. Some days if we have things to do outside of the home it gets a tad messed up, but we adjust accordingly and they get right back on track.
Justina Blakeney says
omg so jealous. I can’t belive you go them BOTH on a schedule already! You go mama!
Elena says
Seeing that first photo of you and Ida smiling, reminds of my little Sania! Awww! Just such a wonderful moment :)
Honestly, a routine didn’t kick in until about 5-6 months. The best thing to do for Ida and yourself is to go with the flow. At first, I had no clue how to care for a baby and was a bit insecure about it, wanting to do everything right. Then, just when we found our groove, I felt confident, relaxed and like a mom. As she gets older, yes routine will be very important, especially with a sleep routine! (The crying-it-out method worked for us. By the third night, Sania was sleeping like a baby :)
Enjoy every minute of it!
Justina Blakeney says
the third night, huh? eeek– sounds SO hard — but worth it– I know…
sita says
hi there, I have a 6 month old boy, and lead a similar lifestyle, my husband and I mostly work from home, and any day seems like it’s totally different from the last. We’ve been doing the baby led schedule, and I just put him down when he’s tired… I’m making that sound easier than it really is! (nurse him to sleep or try to get to fall asleep on his own.) I do think that at the 3 month mark what’s helpful is to get a nighttime routine in place. I would do a bath, and then change him etc, nothing too complicated, just the same thing every night. I would also recommend an earlier nighttime as she gets older… we’re trying for somewhere between 7-8, sometimes asleep by 9:) Anyway, it’s all about being not too hard on yourself for the next phase, because they start to really change their sleeping habits now. I would just find something that works for you, and stick to it. If you get any good advice let me know too! Good Luck and enjoy that sweety!
Justina Blakeney says
yes– I’m trying the bath, story, night night thing this week for the first time–sounds like we have similar vibes–crossing fingers she takes to the new rhythm!
Titti @ Shoestring Pavilion says
Oh, gosh, whatever you do don’t listen to the “experts”. They will tell you your kid should be eating, sleeping and acting like a baby going on 30. And they will keep telling you this all through your kid’s childhood into the adult years. Babies and kids are not little adults or robots although they can sometimes be made to act this way with the help of very invasive and unnatural methods just like a naturally round melon can become square by letting it grow in a box.
You and your man know your girl best and no expert will have the same knowledge of what could be working for you. Sure, you’re inexperienced as parents but you get that experience by listening to your baby, trying some things and going with what works and feels right for you. Trust your instincts!
By all means, read as much as you can and get as much info as you can but take only the good things and leave the bad. Don’t blindly follow some “method” because someone more “experienced” tells you to.
If you follow your heart/instincts it may take a little time finding what works but in the end you’ll be happy that you didn’t override your gut or your little girl’s voice.
I see so many new parents blindly follow the “expert’s” advice and I cringe when I see what these parents do to their kids. Having a baby is confusing and tiring and that’s just part of the deal for a while. It won’t last forever, you’ll find methods and tricks that work for you. But it may take a little time to find it. Be patient, listen to your baby, to your heart.
I have a 4 year old and a 6 year old so I’ve been through it twice :) It is exhausting for awhile but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t regret any of the efforts it took to get us all through the baby and toddler years. It doesn’t mean the kids run the household but that’s another discussion altogether :)
While I didn’t follow everything they say I found myself many times going to http://www.askdrsears.com/ and http://kellymom.com/ for baby friendly advice and info on parenting issues. Good luck on your journey!
Justina Blakeney says
thanks for the advice. I take all the books and apps with a grain of salt–I recognize that everything (especially child-rearing) is different for everyone. Thanks so much for the links!
Anonymous says
I did a routine with both my children. Controversial for some but Gina Ford worked for me. I work from home and I needed some structure to be able to meet deadlines and get some sense of normality back. Forgetting all the flannel and concentrating on feeding times worked and then set nap times followed. It’s strict but for me worked and I have too happy sunny boy who want to eat at meal times and are tired after a full day and ask to go to sleep. Either way, find something that works for you and stick to it. Good luck. I enjoy your blog. CP
Justina Blakeney says
concentrating on feeding times is a great idea. thanks for stopping by and sharing!
Anonymous says
I did a routine with both my children. Controversial for some but Gina Ford worked for me. I work from home and I needed some structure to be able to meet deadlines and get some sense of normality back. Forgetting all the flannel and concentrating on feeding times worked and then set nap times followed. It’s strict but for me worked and I have too happy sunny boy who want to eat at meal times and are tired after a full day and ask to go to sleep. Either way, find something that works for you and stick to it. Good luck. I enjoy your blog. CP
GB says
Justina, it wasn’t till we had a routine that we had any time to ourselves. It’ll be different for every baby, maybe Ida will meet a milestone on the day that she is meant to, or it may come a few weeks after, just don’t stress too much about when she is “supposed” to do something. Also, try to keep mealtimes consistent, everything else will fall in place. Best of luck, you’re already doing great (look at her happy face!)
Justina Blakeney says
awwww thanks Gagan!
misssofia says
such cute pictures tina!! you three are beautiful.
i think with both littles it started to happen naturally at around 5 months. i did start a consistent routine esp. nighttime -bath and pajamas (not the hard) at
around 3 months. it ends up giving you a lot more freedom because you can count on the naps to get stuff done, esp. if they are sleeping at home in the crib. you can leave them with baby sitter. then you know they will be in bed by say 7. and you can have the rest of the night.
this works for us, and i am home all day.
you are doing so good!! love love love you guys.
xo
Justina Blakeney says
5 months huh? I gotta call you–you did such an amazing job of getting your boys on a schedule. miss you and hang sesh soon!!! xx
Anonymous says
Think of the day as more of a rhythm that works for everyone and try a simple and early bedtime routine. Follow your instincts, you know the way.
D. Jarboe says
I have been through this twice now (two boys, 3 year old and 15 month old). I’m a little granola when it comes to child rearing (we don’t do cry it out, we co-sleep when we feel it’s necessary, etc.), but in my experience, it will fall into place on its own. I feel like child rearing books have and idea that the child is ready for a schedule at 3 months, but that doesn’t mean they necessarily adopt it at that time. Both of my kids took longer than that. And during growth spurts, illness, and teething, schedules may get abandoned. With both of my boys, some time around 4 or 5 months I realized that we had some how fallen into a schedule. We just did our best with our schedule and waited it out with our kids. They get there eventually ;)
Justina Blakeney says
ooo I sure hope you’re right. I’m a lot granola. :D
Luna says
Hey Justina,
I’ve been a mama for 10 months now and the best advice I can give is to throw away the books!
Kids get into routines in their own time and just when you think their routine has been decided upon, they change it.
I know it is popular to choose a label for our parenting styles, but I personally find the whole concept damaging and at time a tool for creating self-doubt and shame.
If there were less societal pressure for us (mama’s) to get back into the swing of things then we wouldn’t have to feel guilty about spending months on end just loving our children, holding them and doing nothing but being with them.
Anyway, I am sure some parents would find my beliefs radical (there is more to them that what I have posted here) but I think you should throw all caution to the wind and just enjoy being. There’s plenty of time for routines as your little girl grows up.
Best of luck, Luna.
P.S. Maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about seeing as Anouk, my daughter, has still never slept through the night ha ha!
Justina Blakeney says
here here! Thanks for your supportive words. It’s true that I feel pressure from ‘the outside’ to get back into the swing of things–but I think I also feel that pressure from the ‘inside’– but yes– I think that the books are starting to feel a little too regimented. Thanks for your thoughtful comment!
R Stevens says
Hi. I have a three year old and a 10 month old. I loosely followed Gina Ford’s suggestions to getting feeding times and sleep times in a routine. I initially thought that if I followed the baby’s cues for when they wanted to sleep and eat that my babies would be happier, but actually they became miserable, exhausted and fussy. As soon as I put them into a predictable routine they became happy and thrived. I am a firm believer that all children need structure and predictability to cope with all the growing and learning they have to do in this first year of life. It doesn’t have to be a strict to-the-clock routine: just having the Eat, Activity, Sleep, time for You (EASY) structure is really beneficial. I also followed Gina’s advice to put them down for sleeps when they are sleepy but not asleep, so they learn how to get themselves off to sleep without external help. Good luck!
Justina Blakeney says
This is helpful. I like the idea of trying to put her to sleep just *before* she falls asleep. Gonna try it. Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Fenn says
I think if I had an unpredictable personal schedule, then it would be hard to get on a schedule with baby. Babies naturally want to do the same things at the same times. You could always start with bed time and wake time (which hopefully are consistent for you) and go from there.
Honestly, though, I think you’ve really nailed what you need to get baby on a schedule : a better personal schedule. I think you two should sit down and talk about how you can organize your day. If it’s about quiet working time, versus e-mailing time, versus phone call times…put those structures into your personal work first, then add baby into that once you’ve got it settled!
Justina Blakeney says
ya, I’m afraid you’re right Fen–although I was hoping that putting baby on a schedule wasn’t contingent upon me getting on one–cuz that *really* feel impossible! Ha!
Camille Acey says
Oh my! Ida is too adorable!
I found these two blog posts informative:
http://www.hellobee.com/2012/11/12/surviving-a-sleep-regression/
http://www.hellobee.com/2012/10/24/olives-sleep-evolution/
Justina Blakeney says
Thanks Camille!
Rose says
The problem with “the schedule” is that Ida’s needs will evolve as she grows. What might work as a schedule for a few weeks will need to be tweaked again and again. My advice, after trying with my own two kids, is to think of your schedule as a loose framework for your days. I think that this is the best way to avoid frustration on mama and daddy’s part. And always have a plan B in place for those times when everything goes haywire! Having flexibility in your work is awesome as it allows you to bend to her needs as needed. Much love to your growing family!
Justina Blakeney says
thanks Rose, I agree. Evolution is key!
Sassafras says
Honestly each kid and parent combo is so different that you just have to do was works for the three of you. I had planned to be a “bohemian mother” who brought her baby to parties and put them down to sleep wherever, but that just didn’t end up working with my daughter, who is almost four now (where does the time go!?). She was underweight, had colic, slept on us for four months and was a velcro baby (i.e. we couldn’t put her down). By six months I nearly lost my mind and ended up trying the controversial Ferber cry-it-out thing. After two nights, she slept through the night on her own! It took 7 days to really get that going consistently, but it worked and set us up well for all the parenting challenges that lay ahead. Regular naps didn’t really set in until about 9 months, but Leila thrives on a routine. So we never did take her to parties and let her fall asleep there… until last New Years. The routine thing has worked for our family because my husband & I are both working grad students. We now have a six week-old son who is a lot more chill, and I think we’ll be taking him out more because we’re more relaxed. But he’s also already getting a sense for our family’s routine because that’s just how things work around here. Bottom line is, don’t worry about it, I’m sure you’re doing great if you’re listening to your baby and yourselves!
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