When I moved to NYC after living in Italy for seven years, it was a tough transition. When I left Florence, I longed to live somewhere bigger and with more action. But when I got to NYC, I had a hard time meeting new people and creating meaningful relationships, there was fierce competition in the work world–and to top it off sh*t was EXPENSIVE. Everyone told me to ‘give it a year’. Friends and new acquaintances alike said that the first year in NYC is hard for everyone, but that after a year I would LOVE it for sure. A year passed and I still hadn’t found my place. Next, everyone was saying to give it two years, and that after two years I would LOVE it for sure. So I gave it one more year. So two years had passed and I still wasn’t feeling it. So I moved to Los Angeles, this time, without asking for opinions about how long I’d need to stay before I started loving it.
It is with that memory that I write this post, because it has been nine months, and despite what many people have said about it taking ‘nine months to gain the baby-weight, nine months to lose it’ my body still looks and feels…well, bleh. Part of me thought that just by eating pretty healthily and walking around the reservoir a few times a week, that after nine months, my body would be like it was before. My truth-telling nieces who periodically ask if ‘there is another baby in my belly’ have spilled the beans: I still look pregnant. Somehow, when Ida was tiny I felt like I had the I *just* had a baby pass–but now, nine months later, I feel like I should be back to feeling normal.
And I don’t.
Since being here in Cph I have been walking a TON, like around 5 miles a day. I get home and my legs are tired, feet are sore–but it feels SO good to walk this much–and I feel bummed that I didn’t push myself to walk more while I was pregnant. Without beating myself up too much about it, I can’t help but wonder if I had been more active during my pregnancy if that would have changed the complicated birth and emergency C-section, which I feel like is one of the main causes of my body-issues right now. That f***king flap is still ever-present and, the worst part is, as I do lose a bit of weight here and there the flap just hangs further down. I mean, what?? And when I’m getting dressed in the morning, I think about how to hide the flap–a sad juxtaposition to my pretty round belly that I loved to flaunt while prego. Not to mention that the only comfy nursing bras that actually fit my BOUS (boobs of unusual size) make my breasts look more like one big inner-tube, than anything resembling the buoys of yore.
Saturday I went out shopping–still on the hunt for a pair of jeans that fit. I found myself wandering through H&M and made my way to the maternity section, which they intelligently call the ‘mothers’ section here in Denmark–which made me feel a little less lame for shopping in the maternity section when I am, alas, not at all pregnant. As I was browsing through the jersey-top jeans and elasticized balloon tops, I was being stared at by huge posters of Beyoncé on the beach, in a bikini, looking damn hot, I might add. It took pretty much all the will-power in the world for me to not lose-it right there at H&M. WHY DOESN’T MY BODY LOOK LIKE BEYONCE’S? Afterall, we had our babies just a few months apart. Damn that C-section.
Ugh.
(I did find some cute pants though. So, there’s that.) I’m kinda kidding about the Beyonce thing–but kinda not. She’s considered ‘thick’ in many circles. I was searching online for high-waisted bikinis this morning for a summer trip and paused for a while trying to imagine what this suit would look like on me. Not that the size ‘L’ would fit me anyway. But really?!
I’m pretty good about not thinking about it too much. Or I just focus on the good stuff–like Ida, or the fact that even when I’m at my heaviest my face tends to stay pretty thin–lucky me. But when I do think about it, or look in a full-length mirror, or look at huge pictures of Beyonce in a bikini while I’m shopping in the maternity section even though I’m not pregnant, I get bummed out.
So I’m not going to ask you how long it took you to ‘get your body back’–and even that type of rhetoric is bumming me out these days. Get your body back from where or from whom? My body never left, she’s been here all along. What I need to get back isn’t my body–but my comfortability in my body, my confidence, my f*ckitedness. Truth is, I never had Beyonce’s body–not when I was fourteen, not when I was at my skinniest, not before I had a baby. I had my body, and I still do. Now I just have to figure out how to love this body a little better. This body that has been like a really good friend to me and I’ve been embarrassed to take her out with the cool kids.
What I am going to ask you is to share, if you’re up for it, is one thing that you love about your body. I’ll start. I love my skin. The olive shade, the softness. I don’t even mind the stretch marks so much. My husband calls them war scars. Huzzah!
Now you go.
Emma Alvarez Gibson says
This is a story I know well. So well! Friend, you’re not alone. And your approach is wise, and your honesty is massive. I appreciate all of it.
Here’s what I like: that my body is strong. It keeps going. It perseveres. (I actually wrote something about that here, should the spirit so move you: http://www.emmaalvarezgibson.com/2577/)
Christine says
Thank you for your honesty, Justina! after two c-sections, I can relate–a ridiculous amount–to your post. I’m right there with ya. Enough said.
One thing I love about my body…My legs. They’re straight, shapely, strong. And they get me where I need to go!
Jessica says
You are amazingly beautiful and inspiring. Be confident in who you are!
Erin says
Beyonce’s body could make even the most confident woman go bonkers. I’ve got hips and boobs that can’t seem to be squeezed into much of anything at H&M anymore, so I recognize that feeling of shopping/body frustration.
On the bright side: I love my hands! When I look at them I am reminded of everything I can create with them (and a feeling of pride for finally quitting that nail biting habit!)
billie says
hey sisterfriend :)
Totally went looking for something at H&M’s maternity section a couple of days ago even though my niblet will be 11 mo soon, so you’re not alone there.
I call my tummy “the gelatinous mass” so you’re not alone there either.
Something I like…hmm this is harder than i thought, maybe i should focus on the positive more often. My hands. Because they’re long and slender and my husband calls them elegant.
Justina Blakeney says
So glad to know that I’m not the only non-prego shopping in the maternity section! Thank you :D
Anna says
Wow does this ever sound familiar. Two c-sections were not kind. I realized that I had to think about what I love about my body because I never think about what I love about my body. I love my lips the most because they are nice and they like to smile. :)
catie says
okay, i’m small-ish and my kids are big now, but here is what helps me feel fit…
this green smoothie:
http://kimberlysnyder.net/blog/ggs/
doing yoga-ish stretches to wake up my midsection,
comfortable clothes,
and walking.
focus on eating SUCCULENT food – juicy stuff : )
focus on healthy momentum ~ all it takes is a few days of really healthy stuff to make a world of mental difference.
remember that you are the only one with that view of yourself, the one looking straight down ~ we see vibrant beauty & crazy-good style & an amazing sense of humor.
and, btw, you DID just have a baby.
it always took me a year to recover.
i know you know she’s worth it ♥
Justina Blakeney says
Juicy stuff–now that’s one I never heard but it sounds right. thank you <3
Jennifer says
i admire you so much! <3
my favorite part – is probably my legs!
Melissa says
Such honesty.. that’s why I love your blog. I still struggle with my post-pregnancy body (and my kids are way way older). Wih that said, I really like my legs, they are shapely and love how they look when I wear heels.
Nicole says
I’ve never even had a baby and for the first time in my life, I found myself wandering into the maternity section at target yesterday. It was a little depressing. I’ve alway been thin and never struggled with my weight until I turned 30 and especially after I got hitched last fall. But I found a lovely summer dress that doesn’t even look like a maternity dress to me. The extra weight makes me a little less proportional but the positive is that I love my curviness, my small waist, and my hourglass figure. Like you, it’s a struggle to love my body where I’m at regardless of weight but I have so much to be thankful for so I try to remind myself of that. Thanks for sharing!
Sydney says
Hi there Justina– I have a 2 1/2 year old and STILL don’t have my body back. I’m close to my pre-pregnancy weight but everything has…shifted. It’s all good though– my husband and son think I am beautiful, I found an AWESOME bra store right here in LA, and I am stronger and more fit through yoga even if it doesn’t look that way. I try to view my body–myself really– as having achieved something I never thought it would be able to do, to think of it as being made from the stuff of warriors. Hang in there, you’ve got a GORGEOUS wardrobe (I need to shop where you shop!), and a beautiful life.
Erika says
Oh sister, I’m right there with you with the f*cking c-section. In fact, it took me 4 years to get over the first and get pregnant again (which I am now).
If I can give myself advice, just after having my little man, and this relates to the beautiful post you wrote, is to be more forgiving to myself and my body. I relate on how much it sucked to buy clothes that don’t fit (and then having to go to work at a conservative office, UGH!). Just keep reminding that your body served a beautiful purpose. You will get your body back. Give yourself time, and things will go back to a place where you feel comfortable. I promise you! I don’t know when or how you will look. I know many women told me that they started getting their bodies back after nursing so there is that but then nursing is so magical.
I think that we mommas are the toughest critics of ourselves (and sadly, sometimes of each other). The Queen B poster, the magazines, the award shows, and even just where you live makes it hard to have a great self body image without kids, let alone after kids. And we are so judgmental! I see this everyday and it saddens me. We are all divine. You are beautiful.
As far as my own body… I am watching it getting gigantic now at the start of the third trimester. I get annoyed at my ugly maternity clothes (Seriously, who makes these things?) then I take a moment and marvel at the miracle inside and remind myself that I still really love that I have SUPER long lashes.
Shannon Flaherty Randall says
Tina, my Tina! You are the most rockin’ bootylicious mama in the world! We’ll keep walking and running after our kids for years to come, so the exercise will be a plenty! ; ) As for my favorite part of my body, I’ll say my green eyes… and those will never get fat, no matter how much chips and ice cream I eat. Yay!
Karen says
I love that someone in the comments said we’re the only one that looks straight down. Everyone else sees us from a different angle.
So yes for perspective changes!
I noticed that my arms have muscle definition recently. It makes me feel strong and powerful. Sometimes I need the reminder that I am.
Mary says
I have had three babies and have come to the conclusion that our bodies are forever changing. I will never get my body back because my body is different, permanently. And I do not mind so much. My favorite part of my body are my boobs. I know crazy after having three kids. They are small, always have been but I love them!
Janelle @ Two Cups of Happy says
I know people say this all the time – but I really LOVE all this & the f*ckitedness. Every woman I know beats herself up over how she looks, whether she is 90 pounds or 290 pounds. Me and my body are learning acceptance. I’ll start with my boobs. I like those!
Titti @ Shoestringpavilion says
First of all – comparing yourself to Beyonce is not the smartest thing to do. You know full well she’s got money and all the perks money can buy (PTs, nannies, surgery – you name it). And on that poster you saw of her she had much help from Fotoshop by Adobe (check out this hilarious but true “commercial” on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_vVUIYOmJM). Rest assured that any blemish she most certainly has in real life was conveniently erased from that poster or she would never have agreed to be plastered everywhere.
From my observations of people around me it seems that we who had curves before baby will have more issues getting rid of the extra curves we have now accumulated while the slender gang will most often bounce back pretty much immediately. Even the slender gang has a flap, though. Even though for them it’s more of a squishiness evenly spread out over their lower belly. Maybe as we lose the weight the flap might eventually go away? I still have mine 6 years later and I had vaginal births (it seems to get smaller as the weight is lost). The skinny gang also reports changes in body form even though they’re back to pre-baby weight. Without nips and tucks I think most of us will look different after baby, not necessarily worse but different. It’s part of growing up. We get older and wiser and looks aren’t the main thing in life anymore.
It’s very hard to lose weight and exercise when you’re not getting enough sleep. As Ida gets older and you get more sleep it’s going to get a little better. And I found that the only kind of nursing bra worth it’s name that would hold in my bounty I found at the little boutique at the hospital that sold bras. After having my second kid at a birth center I went to the hospital only to pick up a new nursing bra :) They might not be pretty but I didn’t have to walk around with a uniboob and they held me in just fine. Check out your local hospitals to see if they have one of those little bra shops.
And when you finally get around to looking at diet and such for real I know from personal experience that cutting out or at least limiting carbs helps. The body can’t store fat if you don’t feed it carbs and carbs have no essential nutrients. I’ve been eating a low-carb high fat and high protein diet rich in veggies the last year and am now 30lbs thinner (even though I have a long way to go) without having to feel hunger, irritability or cravings. Not getting enough healthy fat intake (think coconut oil, olive oil and avocadoes) will also contribute to increased feelings of depression, over body or other issues.
I’m not an expert and there was definitely a time where I looked myself in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. Now I just glance at myself, realize that it’s not perfection but that I’m valuable despite my imperfection and that if I just keep making small good choices, putting one foot in front of the other, the view in the mirror will improve over time.
For me my hair is my pride and joy and something that has stayed beautiful and full no matter how much weight my body was carrying. I tend to wear it longer the heavier I am because it helps me feel more feminine.
Hope you can relax about the issues and go back to being happy and healthy. Give it time. It’s never too late to change. I’d give it another year or so and see what happens. By then Ida will be bigger, you’ll be less sleep deprived and more clear headed. It’s hard right now but nothing lasts forever, this shall pass.
Have a great week!
Justina Blakeney says
thanks so much Titti. you are so sweet, and this is very helpful–as usual. Your point about not sleeping rings true to me–and i will check at the hospital about the bra–I didn’t even think of that!! big hugs, ~j
Sarah says
Although I follow you on pinterest, this is the first time I have read your blog. I have to say It hit home. I had 2 csections in 22 months. My youngest is 18 months. I love my girls so much, but I don’t recognize my body anymore. I have never had a great body image. The few things I used to love about my body are no longer the same. They never will be. It’s something I struggle everyday. It took me much too long to figure out an answer to your question. My eyes. I love them because they turn different shades of green depending on my mood. I love them because they give me the ability to read and escape to my fantasy lands. I love them because they allow me to see the 2 beautiful reasons for my wrecked body and that makes it better.
Mara says
I know exactly how you feel about the C-Section. And if I had been a little more active during my pregnancy too. I always hear about people taking only weeks to get back to how they were and I’m sitting here trying to find the motivation in my hectic life to start working out more. I felt ecstatic to lose some baby weight the first month or two after birth, but my choice of birth control ( as far as my belief ) caused me to balloon up to more than my birthing weight was! I constantly struggle everyday with closing decisions and my high self conscious feelings about my weight.
Yvonne says
My baby is 21 now. After he was born, i was one of THOSE women. You couldnt tell i had had a baby. The sad thing is, is that i hated myself right along with everyone else. Well, 21 yrs later, i am twice the woman i used to be. And the thing i love most about myself is i no longer hate myself. My boyfriend calls me his luscious stack of pancakes and i couldn’t be happier. Give yourself a break. You are not a body. You are much more and that body is yours. It tells your story of experiences. That flap is a physical representation of the love and nurture you gave Ida when she was at her most vulnerable. Love yourself for doing that for her.
Justina Blakeney says
“the thing i love most about myself is i no longer hate myself” >>word.
Amanda Burau says
Oh Mom traveling this journey with all us moms. I am the mother of four. My middle 2 are twins. You have never seen skin stretch until you have been pregnant with multiples. The thing I love most about my body is that it is STRONG! I mean bad ass strong. My body will NEVER be like it was before babies. However, in some ways it is better. My hips are bigger, my boobs are saggier, my butt and belly are rounder. In an effort to get back into shape after baby number 4, I began working out with a trainer. I found that lifting weights was the only thing that drastically changed my body. All the walking and cardio in the world didn’t do what 1 hour a day of weight training did. Now, I bicep curl 30 lbs (same as my very athletic husband). I leg press 280 and working my way up. My trainers very buff fiance presses 270. It feels good to be strong. I used to be a size 2 before babies. Now, I go between a 6 and an 8. There is NO way my body could do at a size 2 what it can now do at a size 8. Mind you I in NO way look muscle bound just tight and toned. There is no better example for my 3 daughters and son than a strong mom. If you want to love your body, concentrate on what it can do. Love it. Work it. Challenge it. Change it! Best of luck mama.
Amanda Burau says
All that said, After 7 years, I just got rid of all my size 2 and 4 clothing. Accepting that I would never fit into those again was NOT easy.
fatpiginthemarket says
I like my hands. They’re not delicate or pretty. I keep my nails super short because my hands get covered with paint, food, soil, dishwashing detergent daily. But these hands are strong and can do things with hammers, paintbrushes and whisks and they can occasionally fold a decent origami pig.
Yoshiko says
I can totally relate, even though I don’t have kids. I started taking thyroid and hormone medications this year, and my metabolism has slowed way down. Sadly, I don’t fit into a lot of my clothes, even though I exercise consistently and eat a healthy diet.
Justina, you’re a beautiful, crazy talented lady and a gifted teacher. The world is a lovelier place with you in it!
Oh, I like my arms. They’re still fairly slender. :)
Carla says
Like someone said above, I also follow your Pinterest boards but had never seen your blog. I am glad I clicked on this today. In addition to completely understanding about the flap (lol) and the emergency csection, I’ve also been suffering from depression for the first time in my life. Baby is 18 months old and I’ve just now started seeing a dr. Anyway, it was wonderful to read about someone else struggling with the same and bravely posting a photo as well!
My favorite part of me is my lips and smile. No matter how fat I get I always get complimented on those and it feels great. :)
Marty says
I’ve had five kids and seven surgeries so my tummy looks like a road map. But with bulges. My last baby is now twenty-eight. Sometimes I went right down and sometimes not so much. I struggle all the time because I refuse to just give up. I enjoy feeling limber or strong or healthy but I also want to feel familiar to myself. Not like a stranger. That “otherness” of my body is not a feeling I like or accept so easily. That said, I like most that my body never gives up on me. No matter how I feel about it or slander it my body stays in there right with me day after day just doing its job. Isn’t that a relief?
Val Rocha says
I am Val, I have two girls, Lia – 5 years – and Nina – 11 months. Answering to your question: I love my shoulders. I don’t know why, and I guess nobody notice it. But it is my little thing, my secret with myself.
KDSVG says
My babies are now 34 and 37. And I still haven’t got my pre-pregnancy body back. I have come close to it off and on, but I realize that it is just a vision that will never happen. I have learned not to beat myself up over it. I now buy cute, comfortable tank tops and matching undies so I don’t even have to look at my tummy. I look cute to myself and I don’t care about anyone else’s opinion. I guess I should say I am only 5’3″ and 140 lbs so I can get away with a lot just by the clothes I choose. But that just shows that women, no matter how fit or small, all are critical of their bodies and maybe we should think twice about that tendency.
You have struck the women, you have struck the rock. Be proud.
Alice says
I’ve had one natural birth and 3 c-sections. I hear ya, sista. At some point I made amends with the “shelf belly”. I went through a horrible depression 3 years ago and lost way too much weight. Size zero and that damn shelf was still going strong. Now I’m back to a normal size 12. The shelf is out of control but along with it are the curvy hips and boobs. If I have to live with the shelf in order to have my lady curves then so be it:). I love curvy women and I adore my curves.Power to the lady curves!!!
Jan says
Hi sweet Justina: the thing I live about my body is that it created three miracles:: now 29, 26 and 24. 20 years from now you will look back on these days and wish you had the same tight skin, the same physical energy, the bright ideas and time to enjoy the journey. In the meantime, I choose my eyes: good for smiles, tears and vision, love to you and baby Ida froma very hot l.a.!
Justina Blakeney says
sending love right back tante. Looking forward to catching up in Cabo.
Brittany says
You are very inspiring and I’m glad to know I’m not alone! I didn’t even have a c section and I still have a flap! It took me 20 months after each pregnancy to lose some weight and become confident in my body once again. My babies will be 5 and 2 in July.
Anyone who says it takes 9 months to put the weight on, it will take 9 months to lose it, is lying. Anyone who has lost all of their baby weight in 9 months or less is doing it in an unhealthy manner or has a personal trainer and nutritionist. That’s not reality, it takes time to do it right.
Props to you for embracing your beautiful body.
I love the curves of my body. I like that I look like a woman and not a stick figure.
Thank you for your awesome blog Justina and for reminding me that I’m not alone in this adventure of mommyhood!
stephanie @BabaSouk says
So touching lady, thanks for sharing. Now I just want to say a few things that might help. 1st you are a bombshell don’t you dare forget that. 2nd, girl you need to get you beautiful a** in a spinning class. (no kidding) You’ll love it after 3 sessions. A bit like LA love you know? This thing works like magic and it’s highly addictive. (a bit like wine) Cheers xx
Angie says
You always make me smile. I can only imagine how difficult “getting your body back” can be after having a baby. I don’t have kids (yet, keeping my fingers crossed) but struggle with my body issues daily. Things I have to remember is I’m beautiful, in my own unique way and as long as I take care of my body, eat right, exercise, sunscreen, etc. she’ll take care of me. Keep your head up girl. You’re amazing! Everything will work out, sometimes our timeline isn’t the one the world’s working off of. BTW, you daughter is adorable as well. Good luck sweetie!
Jemma's Mom says
Just look at how many women you’ve touched from this post… From a new mother of a four month old girl, still grappling with the idea of stretch marks, I commend you for your honesty and bravery – i would say those are two things to be very proud of regardless of your pant size!
What I love most about myself, post pregnancy, is the twinkle I see in my eyes when I look at photos of myself holding my sweet girl… Makes me realize the saggy boobs and flabby belly are worth it because she is here.
Michelle says
Thank you for this opportunity. At this particular point in time I really do need to recognize what I do love about my body. I love my olive toned skin and how easy I can tan. I love my boobs, I like my face. I love my lips. I love that I have an hour glass shape. I’m 44 and have three adult children.
I’m so tempted to point out my flaws right now. I love my face but… I love my boobs but… But that defeats the purpose of this wonderful exercise.
Good night and thanks again,
Michelle
Sarah from a fine line says
This is a really brave post. My daughter is almost three, and I will tell you my stomach has never looks the same as it did before I had her, and she came out the old fashioned way. When I was really in shaped in preparation for my wedding (almost a year ago, two years after having her) my abs actually looked pretty good, but it’s just so so so much more effort to keep my abdominals looking that way. They just don’t have the natural tone they did before a pregnancy. When I was prepping for my wedding I did a lot of pilates, and that really worked, but I think you would have to do it consistently 2-3 times a week and keep doing it forever. I just don’t have the time right now, my somewhat mushy belly and I are still learning how to get along with each other. I love my daughter, and hot abs have really gone down on my list of priorities, although it does still bug me at times. You’ll get there is you really want to make the effort.
carlene says
You are so beautiful, but I never had children so I can’t understand completely how you feel. That said, you know Beyonce (and people like her) have a liposuction guy (maybe even a team) whose job is to basically follow her around …
Patricia S says
I love how every mother and baby have a unique story to tell. Dramatic births, peaceful and joyful births, survival techniques, good doctors and bad, all of them resulting in the same awesome reward. I love that I had two similar, but so vastly different birth stories. I survived and enjoyed each for different reasons and what made me stronger has scared friends of mine into closing up shop after one. I love the sisterhood of the birth story and I love that about myself
Nicole says
I wrote this almost TWO YEARS after my son was born. I feel like we have shared feelings/thoughts. http://blackbirdcanwrite.com/a-body-revelation/
Xoxoxox
brenda says
Rumor has it that Beyonce faked it and hired a surrogate because she didn’t want to ruin her body. there are a bunch of photos of her trying to avoid photographers around the 5 month mark because she’s out on the town without her fake bump on. Several times her plastic baby bump either shifted sideways. or completely folded over on itself, like in this video…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bzhxXumqtHU
Heather says
You are a beautiful inspiration!
I love my feet!
Yetunde says
You are beautiful as you are. Yes, it does take time to feel ‘normal’ again after you’ve had a baby. My youngest child is almost 7 now and I’m just now getting my sexy back!
One thing that has helped me feel really, really, good about my body is learning to dress the MY body. Not Beyonce’s body, not anyone else, but MINE. I find my best asset (my girls) and I outfit myself in the way that plays them up, but not in a va-va-va-voom here come the boobies kind of way.
I’ve come to embrace my thick flappy waistline and learned to dress it as well. I think confidence can pull off A LOT of things too. For instance, there’s this lady at my job who is short and round. What she does have is a pretty face and long gorgeous hair. She werked a dress I would’ve been too terrified to wear, and she totally pulled it off. I know it is easy to tell someone ‘you look good, just be confident and you’ll pull it off’. I also know that that person has to be ready and they have to be ‘there’. You will get there Mama, don’t worry.
sarah says
oh mama, i hope you get your fuckitedness back soon too! and i know you will. w
hat i love most about my body is that it hasn’t quit on me, in spite of many many bad decisions and a relentless amount of various kinds of abuse!
Goldammer says
What I find strange is that my body FEELS really normal, strong and healthy to me but LOOKS (in the mirror) like it belongs to someone else.After three kids, the youngest is three months, it will probably never look the same, but it already feels the same again. So when I look in the mirror I see a new body and I try to see the beauty. It doesn’t always work of course. On these days I avoid mirrors and windows and feel my body, go for a run, cuddle my kids and kiss my boyfriend. And I remind myself of one thing: I didn’t earn this body, I just got it. It is irrelevant if I consider it beautiful or ugly, it is only relevant if it takes me comfortably through the day. I guess, when we look in the mirror, we try to see us with the eyes of another person. Often a critical person. But we really don’t have to: we need to feel the inside of our bodies in order to be okay with them. So we can leave the judgement of the outside to other people who are btw most of the time much less hard on our outer appearence than we are.
I love all of my body, from the inside!
Rebecca says
Hello,
This is the first time I’ve read your blog and I love it. You are very brave and honest and it’s wonderful. Also, your 9 monthspost- belly looks better than mine did. Here’s an interesting fact from my doctor; it takes two years for the hormone that stretches your ligaments out for pregnancy to even leave your body. I know it seems like nine months is a long time,but you just grew a new HUMAN! You are a rock star! Also. What I love about my body is; my small waist and curvy butt.
Emmanuelle says
Dear Justina,
I’ll be quick because I have a ton of work, but I really feel like I must react to your post.
1) I read you for months, and it makes me happy each time, so THANK YOU. I like your universe, your sincerity, your styling…..
2) I have 2 boys, 9 and 7. And I remember, when I was breast-feeding the first one, I was thinking: ok, you are really fater than before but you have to be used to it, that’s life even if you don’t like it. When I stoped (he was 6 months), kilos just left me without any special effort. I was feeling even thiner than before. And I understood : my body needed some reserves as long as I was breast-feeding my baby. Same thing happened with the second one.
We are different, but I am sure your body will transform it self when you will stop breast feeding.
Thank you again for sharing your universe this way.
Hello from Paris,
Emmanuelle
Krissi says
I love this post! I, too, have struggled a bit with my post-baby belly. But yes, your husband is right – these are the scars that remind us that we are part of something big and wonderful.
As for what I love about my body – my freckles!
Cassie says
A full year after baby and boy do I have a pooch. But my waist is still little, and my husband loves my hips. So that’s just okay with me. :)
Sara says
First of all, as a young woman who has struggled with my weight my whole life (and I haven’t had a baby yet), I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this post so much. Your honesty with how it’s not always “I love my booty-licious rockin’ curves all the time!” and sometimes its “why the F do i fucking look like this?” is so spot on with my experiences. Second of all, I was a C section baby, and what I love about my mother’s body is the scar down her tummy– because I made that scar, and it’s a reminder to her and to me that at one point, she was my physical home, and she carried me and nourished me from herself, and even know that I’m my own person, she will always be my home. Now, what I love about my body: my hair! long, thick, dark and shiny. And I whip that sh*t back and forth on the reg.
Justina says
YES. this made me smile. hard. thank you!!
Rebelleke says
Love this post!
I’m 5.11 tall and was huge while pregnant, now almost two years later, i’ve lost only half off my baby weight. I’ve accepted the marks (who go all the way arround ) and am so proud off my boobs, while still breast feeding they’re defiying gravity :)
hannah says
first of all, you’re BEAUTIFUL!!! thank you, thank you for writing this post, justina.
i’ve had a few body issues over the past three years — three surgeries for endometriosis and lots of hormones later, it became something i felt had betrayed me + the plans i’d made for us.
i ran my fourth 5k over the weekend, and was amazed (again) that my body had the strength to carry me so much farther than i thought it could. that’s what i love about it — its ability to surprise me with the power i forget it still has.
Nicole says
Thank you for this. The flap…yes. The stretch marks…yep. I am a tapper and tapped all through both my pregnancies up until the day before delivering. Trying to accept my body has been so hard but following you on Pinterest and seeing your beautiful self has helped me so much! My husband is crazy over my body and thinks that I am so bad ass for going through the pregnancies and c sections. That makes me so happy but I still doubt myself sometimes because of my droopy, large stomach. Two c sections were brutal on my body/stomach but man, they made me stronger. Battle scars…absolutely!
My eyes are my favorite part. I can make them sparkle to keep everyone’s eyes up:)
Dee says
My youngest is 3 1/2 and I’m still trying to make peace with my body. After four kids, I think my flap is permanent. ;)
Beth says
Thank you for writing about this. “The flap” which I call my “brain belly” because the stretch marks make it look like a brain, was the hardest thing for me to deal with after my first daughter was born 6 years ago. I didn’t have a C section, so I think maybe it’s just an inevitability for some women.
I also get very frustrated when I look at celebrity mom’s and their hot bodies. For me it was Kate Hudson. I saw a tabloid picture of her and I was so excited. She had a floppy stretch marked belly too! Then… a little while later it was gone, and I was pretty mad. Celebrity moms have to be having surgery. Maybe not all of them, but some of them have to be. I just wish they’d be honest about it so the rest of us don’t feel like crap when our bellies look… well, like we’ve had children.
Pole dancing is how I learned to love my body mommy body. It helped me realize that my body is powerful, and I’m still sexy even with the brain belly. It also was the only exercise I have done that flattened my belly. Don’t get me wrong, I still have the stretch marks and flap of skin, but at least now it’s flat and clothes fit me again. I just had my third baby girl and I’m planning on getting back on the pole soon.
Again, thanks for sharing your story. I don’t think enough women realize that pregnancy changes your body for good. It’s harder to deal with when you don’t expect it and even harder when you have to stare at celebrity moms and their perfect unchanged bodies.
Anahata says
As someone who now owns a clothing store I can tell you that the best thing you can do is exactly what you already have done. Go shopping. And when you do, accepting (as you are doing) what shape you are now and trying to dress it just the way it is will save a lot of heart ache. I see so many women get hung up on sizes and it’s hard for them to reach for the clothing that will actually flatter them because it’s a new size etc. Knowing your challenges and dressing around them takes more effort than the luckier among us, but definitely pays off. It just requires more diligence and patience to be as stylish as you want to be. If it’s maternity H&M- so be it! You’ll look amazing and shiney and no one will be the wiser.
And certainly there are millions, billions of women who can relate to your awesome share here. And many of us (myself included) may struggle endlessly after babies. My son is turning 13 and my regret is that I didn’t knuckle down when he was little to try (like you are) to find a better, new version of my motherhood form. Now it’s feeling harder despite serious efforts for many years.
PS. Pregnancy can scramble hormones in some of us. You may want to get your levels checked out sooner than later in case you need supplements or support you can’t fix on your own. Especially if you aren’t feeling spunky.
Lacey says
I’ve had four babies within 5 years, my last one just 2 months ago. I also don’t look like I used to. I weigh 50 lbs. more than I did before I had Baby #1 (and I was not very thin to begin with). But, I still like what I see in the mirror. Sometimes more so, because I am not as critical of the “flaws” now. I like myself better and that extends to the way I feel about my body. Also, it seems easier to see the physical beauty of other women because I think I am beautiful. I see their lovely hair or sparkly eyes instead of critiquing their physical traits as I used to do, wondering if my butt is as big as theirs, etc… I smile at myself in the mirror, which is dorky, but it makes me feel good.
Tonia says
Justina!
You are not alone and don’t keep beating yourself up! I still have my pooch and my baby is 20 y/o not that it’s consolation, but all women struggle. You’re just one of few that are bold enough to start the conversation….I admire that in you!
Rahil says
Wow, I love this post, my daughter is 8 months old and even though I have lost all of the baby weight, my stomach will never be the same. I found your question interesting though because, I have spent so much time picking apart my body, it took me a long time to find a part that I really liked. With that being said, it has to be my eyes. They are big and intriguing. Thank you for offering this question up and giving me an exercise to practice.
Nancy Carr says
Justina, you are remarkable. I love everything you and what you share with us. You are more evolved than many of us were at your age. You are wonderful. My babies are 48 and 41 years old. I have had the ups and downs of weight loss over the years and have decided I am not going to live the rest of my life being uncomfortable in any clothing. I wear leggings all the time and will not wear pants which make me uncomfortable. I find the Women With Control my favorite leggings as well as some of Susan Graver. Both brands are sold on QVC and I often find more of these brands on ebay. Be good to yourself and know you are loved and appreciated. Blessings
Fiona says
My feet, because they have carried me across more countries than I can count and keep helping me explore this amazing world.
Keep on having adventures Justina – your blog inspires me daily!
Anita says
To start with your awesome and cute ;)!
But hey I feel your pain, two babies totalling 20lbs has
Seriously destroyed my body…actually not quite true
It’s destroyed my confidence in my body or my
Perception that others have in it! I know I shouldn’t care
But no matter how much spinning I do or body pumping
I think the loose skin will now always have
A life of its own :( but…I do kinda like my breasts they haven’t changed despite breast feeding and when my lovely children snuggle up to me they always say they love my soft skin :) would hand my body over any day for
Those two angels ;)
Thanks for your lovely blog and sharing xxx
Mutaleni says
Oh Justina, I love this post!
With my two month old son sleeping on my chest while reading your heartfelt post… I’m having a perfect moment. After three children I love many things about my body. I am more comfortable and confident in my skin at 30 than I was at 12 years old. I try to surround myself (and read books and blogs) by confident, mature and lovingly honest people like yourself.
My favouritest thing about my body is its will to survive. Aesthetically – my lips!
gaby says
i love my fingers – they’re long and crooked and look just like my grandmother’s.
i love my eyes but only after friends and past boyfriends let me know how special they are.
i love my lips. no matter how icky i feel, once i paint them i am the belle of the ball.
Our bodies are always going to change but loving yourself is number one.
Kayla says
Motherhood has been the best thing that happened to me, but it’s hard to remember that when I’m crying in a Macy’s dressing room.
I put on 60(!!) lbs for my 7-month-old son.
My journey of accepting my body has gone beyond just looks. While it has been incredibly hard to learn how to dress my newly plus-size body, I have had to face much harder things. I have had to reexamine my personal identity. I have been trying to focus my desire for beauty onto my art instead of my thighs (I just gotta get over it) By learning to let go of the mean things my family used to say about my body, I have learned to love them more. I have had to accept that I have an eating disorder (compulsive eating disorder) that I have been in denial about for most of my life. That has been the hardest part of this journey, but it had to happen. Now I can focus on dealing with it and becoming a healthier person.
That’s all cheesy as hell, but true.
Thanks for your blog. Thanks for the honesty.
Your pinterest has been a great resource for finding curve-friendly clothing.
You are a beautiful, creative and smart WOMAN! Roar!
Kayla says
OH!
And my favorite part of my body is my face, even though it doesn’t stay thin when I gain weight.
Also I like my boobs more now than I did before I was pregnant.
tasha says
I too had a c section 14 months ago. I’m really hard on myself. Im the Heaviest I’ve ever been. But I will say I like my butt. Its big and full of dimples but my husband is always grabbing at it. Haha. It’s nice to know although I don’t see it as perfect that he loves it. :)
barbara says
You are amazing! I adore your blog and your pins. Oh, and you’re much more beautiful than Beyonce.
I had to think for a long time to find something I love about my body, but I guess it would be my eyes… :)
Amanda says
I feel like we might just be doppelgängers at this point – I read so many amazing mama blogs and although relatable on many different levels I have yet to connect with something as much as I did this beautiful and honest blog post. I am literally exactly at the same point with my body having given birth 9 months ago to my beautiful baby girl Abigail and although logical me says I am lucky to have a healthy daughter that I carried and delivered into this world and that right there is consolation for everything this world throws at me but i cant help emotional me who wishes my pregnancy hadn’t been so rough on my body, mommy stripes, belly pooch and all lol.
I’ve been slowly working at getting back to a more honest place in terms of a healthy relationship with my body but its been a damn good work in progress lol (one that too, included shopping in H&Ms maternity section, post-partum). At this point, the thing I love about myself is my newfound mommy strength, physical and emotional. There ain’t no Scantily clad Beyonce ad that can touch that ;)
Your body is beautiful along with your amazing family and blog Justina! Thank you for posting this and humanizing post pregnancy bods on all the amazing mamas out there :)<3 hear us roar!!
Dara Shultz says
I’m a fan of my butt. It’s got a few stretch marks on it, but in general, it’s still okay after two babies. My stomach used to be my sweet spot–I guess it still is, to a certain extent–but it’s been kissed by tiger stripes, so….The thing is, our bodies, yours and mine, developed and carried friggin’ people, y’know?!! I’m trying to learn to revel in that, rather than be a jerk to myself. Lots of love to you, your body, and your baby, Justina! :)
Kaitlyn says
It’s so great to read your blogs! Thank you for going me the encouragement I needed!
Anonymous says
my Belly Is A War Zone! And My Children Have Taught Me To Love it. There Not One Day That Goes By That One Of Them Doesn’t Have Their Face Smooshed In it, Kissing It, Squeezing It, Blowing Raspberries On It. It Keeps Them Close To Me. This Is But A Stitch In Time, For Their youth Is fleeting. Right Now, It Will Be My Favorite
lindy says
Justina, from the pic, I think you look pretty damn good for 9 months after giving birth, but I understand that you are still not happy with your body.
What I love most about my body–I like my brown eyes, curly hair, and that my toes all go down in a straight line (no longer middle toe). That said, I have a damaged breast from breast cancer surgery, radiation and chemo. Scars from surgeries, gray hair and glasses that sometimes hide my pretty brown eyes.
As long as my body gets up every morning and gets me through the day with a minimum of pain and suffering, I am pretty happy with it. Of course, I am a lot older than you are, so probably at a different stage in my life.
Whitney Surane says
I’m making my fifth baby in nine years right now. I’ll never look the same but my mind isn’t pre-baby either. I’m stronger mentally and after 3 deliveries sans epidurals I’m feeling pretty strong physically too. Mama’s, after all, are Super Women!!
susan says
Thank you for sharing, as always Justina. I’m on the same timeframe as you…well ten months now, post TWINS! Talk about a flap…mega flap over here, not pretty. And yes, it keeps dropping lower as I lose weight, AH! Le sigh. I’m a work in progress, but I’m working on loving myself the way I am now. Life goal, seriously. Since you asked…I love my hair. Always have, always will. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Sarah says
I kinda like that I don’t look the same as before I had a baby. It sort of fits as in a lot of ways I feel like a different person so looking different makes sense. The hardest part is definitely old clothes not fitting and having to get a whole lot of new stuff… and trying to find space to store all the old stuff that I like to much to part with just yet! (hoarder much?)
I like my butt. Lots of pushing a pram laden with baby and groceries up the steep hills where I live has given it a pretty awesome shape. it may be big but I like it anyway!
Rachel says
Justina, thank you for sharing this and for your beautiful honesty. My twins are also 9 months old and I also keep seeing Beyonce’s ads and thinking, “How the hell did her body snap back like that?” I exercised throughout my entire pregnancy and put on very little weight, and I want you to know that I still have loose skin and that annoying pocket of fat above my C-section scar. My waist has always been the smallest part of my hourglass body, but now I barely recognize myself. It’s hard not to be disheartened about this “new” body, especially when I try on clothes (and I haven’t given up my maternity jeans entirely). But what you said about getting your body back and from where or whom was absolutely terrific. It made me laugh. And I needed that.
I realize that nothing will tighten that loose skin aside from surgery. But I will continue to exercise and try to eat right and work on loving and accepting my new body. After all, it carried, cared for, and brought me my twins…the little loves of my life.
SarahJo says
Your honesty and bravery are always so welcome!
I’ve never been pregnant, never had a C-section and BUT have always had a flabby, stretch-mark riddled, two-flappered tummy. Sometimes its bigger and sometimes its smaller. And sometimes, I, too, feel more comfortable in the clothes that come in the maternity section. Sans baby in our outside of me. Its hard because, even though plus-sized models are becoming more visible… they still never look like me. I’m just a big-breasted, big-bellied, no-arsed white girl.
I absolutely love my legs, though. They are strong, strong, strong. Maybe from carrying around these breasts and belly? Maybe from luck of the genetic draw? Maybe because… who the heck cares. They are pretty fierce and I love it when Spring finally warms in the NW so I can show them off. They carry me upright through this life.
Errol says
Grass is always greener. A few posts back you were totally the “Beyonce” to me, I was like “damn, JB is lookin good, I gotta get on top of my walk n salad game”. We see ourselves differently from the rest of the world. All my friends see me as the same as pre pregnancy. We are our harshest critics. You are looking great!
Breezy says
Hi Justina,
I love your posts and all their beautiful honesty. It is so nice to hear people talk about real things and not just the airbrushed things. For that I thank you! You are an inspiration.
I love my shoulders. I think they are very feminine and I love to show them off.
Maia McDonald says
You’re amazing Justina!
Even though I don’t have kids I still struggle with body image issues like most women, so it’s good to be reminded to remember the things you love. For me my eyes and my breasts :)
Deborah Caycedo says
Great read! Well I can honestly say after having 3 large babies back to back …. I hated my body. And that’s ok. When I turned 30 I closed up shop and had the mommy makeover. Unfortunately , that was a quick fix that didn’t stick. It wasn’t till 2 1/2 years ago when I decided to stop the yo yo madness and get healthy, slim down and appreciate my body for all the s**t I put it through over the last 40 years. I don’t think I could love my body until I learned to respect it!!!! My favorite body part has always been my blue eyes . But as a runner, I have to send a shout out to my legs ……. Thanks for staying strong.
Fenn says
I really love the direction you took this post! I’m sorry you’re having a hard time adjusting, but I know that your body love will come back.
I love…my whole body! I know that most women spend a lot of time picking apart their bodies, and mine is not culturally the most desirable, but I love it. I love where it is soft and squishy and big and round, because it is strong and awesome and can run 7 miles. I love my height. I love my natural hair color and texture and my blue eyes and all of my freckles.
I love that you asked us to tell you what we love, because I feel like I’m supposed to spend time hating on my body, but I just can’t. Even if I don’t fit in with what is accepted as the most attractive, I don’t care. I think I’m awesome!
niki d. says
here’s my two cents. i gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy. 60 lbs, in fact. i didn’t exercise, i ate what i wanted…a lot of what i wanted and i paid for it dearly. naturally after i delivered some of it left, there was that 9 lb. 8oz. baby that wasn’t a part of what i saw on the scale anymore and i nursed for a year so that helped a lot. but i’m not going to sit here and dare say that i was (or have been) happy about my weight. my face was still chubbier than i was used to after the baby, my arms were bigger…i just wasn’t fond of what i was seeing in the mirror. my before-baby clothes didn’t fit right and even after nursing my breasts were still a full cup larger than they had been before. BUT i also didn’t do a darn thing about it but complain about having to actually try on clothes before i bought them instead of picking something up straight from the rack and carrying it to the register without a doubt in my mind of how it would look on me.
now 7 years later i’ve made a commitment to make changes in my lifestyle. i’ve changed my eating habits, i’m actually exercising (which is soooooo difficult for me because i’ve never been an extremely active person. run? yeah, right. if someone is chasing me). as much as i’d like for the weight to magically fall off and allow me to look the way i want, it just ain’t gonna happen. it takes work.
as far as beyonce, she’s younger than me so i don’t bother to compare, but there are mama celebrities who are my age and older and they have awesome bodies. have you seen nicole murphy?? she has admitted to having her breasts done, but to be over 40 with six kids and look like she does?? wow!! but i believe she puts in the work that i have previously been to lazy to do. i’m coming up on 40 soon, it’s time for me to work on and have the body i’m happy with.
Justina Blakeney says
oh boy, I can relate. I am NOT active either–and it’s biting me in the butt!! I gotta get up off my rump!
lovewilde says
thank you for this amazing inspirational post!
Camille says
I am almost three months pp and though I’ve been back to my pre-pregnancy weight since my 6 week checkup, this is NOT the same body. First of all my stomach has gone jet black and refuses to go back to its original color, my bibs are bigger, and my rib cage and hips are considerably wider! I’ve had to get rid of a ton of my old clothes.my husband is baffled and I’m more than a little annoyed that I have to buy a whole new wardrobe basically.
My yoga teacher (the incredible Lara Kohn Thompson) says “We don’t get our bodies back, we get back to our bodies.” Which is depressing but then (when you think about it) beautiful and wise. Even Beyonce has a different body than before and I’m not just talking about on the surface. She pushed a baby out of there.She/we are forever changed. I read her story in Fit or Shape magazine and was impressed at her candor. She gained well above the recommended average and thought it’d be no problem to get it off. She even scheduled a world tour while pregnant foolishly thinking she’d quickly bounce back. It took grueling work, work the most of us couldn’t afford or have the luxury of doing!
Baby H is SO worth it but I am definitely going to go back to the gym very soon, not so much because of my appearance but because I honestly love lifting heavy weights!
Oh and my favorite part of my body is my super strong (though it currently doesn’t totally look it) core!
Karin Hubbe Emilsson says
It is fine to read your post, Justina. I had the same experience with emergency c-section, only two months after you. I feel the exact same way, I still look prego, and I still wear my same maternaty clothes… The flap.. ohh how I wish it wasn´t there…. Wonder when it will all go away… until then, I appreciate my… legs!! They cannot gain weight and they still look as good as always :) Hugs and kisses and thank you for not feeling completely alone in these thoughts.
Rachel Pepper says
You are amazing! Period. After reading your entire post to see you end it the way you did..you just rock. You are strong and you are badass. You may feel like you don’t have your body back, but you exude a confidence most are missing. I like my arms, thank you for making me realize it.
Celia says
long time reader, but this post stopped me in my tracks. i HAD to respond.
THE FLAP. why don’t they warn you about THE FLAP?! My daughter is two now. we found out at 38 weeks that she was breech and exceptionally large (she was born at 9.14 lb.), so we were told to schedule a c-section the following week. the surgery was successful, the birth was great, my daughter is so cool that it truly amazes me every single day, but here i am… stuck with this flap. it’s so challenging to look in the mirror and not recognize my body. it’s even more challenging to realize that i had a pretty smokin’ figure pre-baby, but to feel like i never fully appreciated it. sadly, i was one of those women who always focused on the negative. but i’m getting better. the flap is getting better, so i’m here to tell you that there is hope.
at 9 months post partum, you still have to cut yourself a little slack. i know it’s easier said than done. i very foolishly planned a trip to hawaii when my baby was only 4 months old, assuming that i’d SURELY be bathing suit-ready by then. i have no idea what i was thinking.
everyone is different, but it took me 11 months to lose the weight (all 45 pounds of it). i tried SO hard, but that last 10 pounds just kind of came off on its own. your body goes into such shock after having a baby, and it will let go of the weight, but once IT’S ready. unfortunately, not once YOU’RE ready. at around 18 months, i started to notice some improvement with the flap. not a ton, but still i could see the light at the end of the tunnel. now, at 26 months, although it’s definitely still there and my belly button is the saddest belly button i ever did see, it’s small enough that i don’t feel like i’m constantly trying to find a way to hide my monstrous gunt (can i say that word here?). and i know it will get better. it probably won’t ever be what it once was, but i think as mothers, the entirety of who we are will never be what it once was. there’s a lot of beauty, although bittersweet, to that.
oh, and just to assure you, i’m definitely no exercise or diet fanatic. i do eat a mostly healthy diet, but i also have an absurd weakness for cheeseburgers. as for exercise, i do a lot of walking, like yourself. nothing special, really.
as for my favorite body part, this may sound strange, but i’ve always loved my neck. it’s long and lean. i’m a short and curvy girl, so i’ll take whatever long and lean i can get. ;)
Justina Blakeney says
I have been wondering the same thing about the FLAP warning–no one said anything about it when discussing all of the differences between vaginal birth and c-section. so annoying (not that I had a choice at the end of the day–but still…) Thank you so much for the encouragement—it is REALLY good to know that you have seen improvement–oh, and I like my neck too :D
Becca says
This is my blog–the most recent post discusses my journey with the scale and body image (numbers). love yours! aplusblife.blogspot.com
nicole valentine don says
justina- you. are. BEAUTIFUL. such a beautiful woman.
it’s so funny how hard it is to actually think of something you like about your body when asked…hmmm…i will go with legs :)
Justina Blakeney says
yeah girl. you got great legs. I remember from the Morocco pics :D
Kristie says
My fav thing about my body are my tiny wrists and ankles and my smile.
I had a c-section too and that flap is the bane of my morning every morning I’m getting dressed.
I’ve never posted before but I felt compelled to because I know exactly how you feel, like a lot of moms do. My body wasn’t my own for a while and it sometimes I get frustrated I can’t wear a bikini. Ever. I can’t ever wear a bikini and it gets me down.
But I love my kids and not being able to wear a bikini is just a small thing. I’m thankful I can run with them and play in the water and watch them grow up.
Here’s to feeling better and looking better through our own eyes.
Justina Blakeney says
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so hard, right? But somehow I feel better knowing I’m not alone–and yes, its a small thing for when we got in exchange–for sure.
Chris Cage says
It takes a year for your body to return to normal, and for some, a bit longer. Don’t fret – you were blessed with healthy child!
Justina Blakeney says
Yeah–I know you are right Chris–that is by far the most important thing–but I do like to talk about this kind of stuff because too I feel like I had no clue what I was in for before hand–sharing and hearing the stories of other women is really good for me.
Carmen says
Thank you for sharing! I am a 50 year old mother of two,18 and 21,both delivered by C-section. And i still look like i just had a baby,and sometimes i get asked if i’m pregnant.I work out hard,i try to eat the best i can,And that belly just wont go away! What i have realized is,I am my worst critique.I focus to much on the belly and not enough on the countless other aspects about my body that are good.Like everything else!I have been blessed with wild curly hair, Beautiful eyes,wonderful skin color,and great legs! What belly?
kate says
Hello, I am yet another mum who feels exactly the same as you do. B4 my twins (age 3) I used to exersize all day every day, eat what I want. I do not have time to exercise much and frankly I am exhausted by 8pm. Sometimes twins do that. But I watched a documentary called Forks Over Knives and picked up on the Engine 2 diet http://engine2diet.com/ It is really REALLY helping me, with energy and as long as I stick to it weight loss. Plus means I will never get western diseases. x
Aireka says
Justina, this post means so much to me. Thank you for sharing! I am not a mother, haven’t been through pregnancy but can extremely relate. I gained 15 to 20 pounds out of the blue last year and no matter what I did, it wouldn’t move. Only to find out that I have hypothyroidism and now have been going through a massive change in lifestyle and food. Eventhough I am beginning to feel healthy and back to my old self again, the weight still hasn’t moved. My doctors remind me to focus on my health and I am but no matter what any of my test say, I want to see “progress” in my body. I try to remind myself, as you beautifully stated, my body hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s my confidence that has left and I must get back. When I look at you, the only thing I see if a GORGEOUS and PHENOMENAL woman.
So what do I love about myself? Ironically, I do love my curves. I love when I walk into a room, there is no mistake, I am proud woman.Big booty and all.
Justina Blakeney says
you are gorgeous Aireka. Curves and all!! Sorry to hear about your hypothyroidism :( but so happy to hear that you’re getting your groove back :D
Charlotte Chance says
Hi…..I just read your post while sitting on a train on my way back from my much younger sister’s hen weekend…where there were a fair few pretty ladies!! I wouldn’t call myself over-weight but i do suffer from a skin condition on my face which unless I decide to take up the Muslim faith and wear a hijab or burka I cant actually hide even with clothes, I’m very self concious about it. Anyway like I said I’m on a train and I couldn’t help over hearing the conversation the man next to me was having on the phone with his mother..he was telling her about a car accident of his very close friend yesterday, she hit a tree, went through the roof of her car, the car span over, the engine landing on her chest leaving her with severe burns, her pelvis crushed and her leg so badly crushed she has had to have it amputated, she hasn’t yet gained conciousness although there is apparently no brain damage, when she wakes she won’t know she has lost half a leg…So today what I love about myself is my hearing so I could hear that story and put things in perspective…and I feel very grateful for my legs right now.
I love your blog, you have such a wonderful creative spirit, you are clearly a great mother and beautiful home-maker with a deep, kind and caring soul… as the fox in ‘The Little Prince’ says …” It is with the heart that one truly sees, what is essential is invisible to the eyes.”
Justina Blakeney says
wow what a great comment, Charlotte. Thank you. I know that compared to most everyone in the world that I am sososososososososo fortunate, truly–I have been blessed with my own health, and the health of my family–and any little thing could change that from one moment to the next without warning. It’s so good to be aware and present of how lucky we are every day. THank you for sharing and for your kind words <3
Leola says
Hi Tina – I love my hair. I know it will get gray one of these days and one day I will bore everyone to tears with my description of what the color once was and the waves and how I never had to color it to get beautiful highlights. God was my colorist and he did a great job. But for now, I will love it and relish in being 47 (in a few days) and still having the same color as when I was 17.
Hugs to Ida from KC.
Justina Blakeney says
Thanks Leoela. Hope to see you guys at Wiley Weekend!
Mina says
How did I miss this post? Well, I completely understand your frustrations. My little girl is 17 months now and part of me feels like I’m 8 mos. past my “getting back to me” due date. I’m starting to realize now that my body changed during pregnancy and that was just part of the journey. I think you are just a beautiful momma, by the way. :-) Just get ready for when she starts walking and running. I don’t think I’ve successfully sat down for more than 3 minutes in the past 4 months! God’s natural work out for a mom!! Ha! Now… What I like best about me?? Hmnnn. I’ve never thought about this. Ever. You know what? I got nice feet. Yes, I do. :-)
Justina Blakeney says
akkk! I’m so scared about the walking and running part– but I know it will be good for me :) thanks for your kind words.
lina says
Check your Tyiroid!!! urgent!!! aftet the baby your metabolism get slow and could be your tyiroid!!!! and is so simple and even if you eath healthy will not help!!!
Justina Blakeney says
thank you for this. good to know. When I get home I have a checkup so I will ask my doctor. <3
The Belvedere-Alyssa says
I think you are so brave for discussing this. I also think everyone can relate, baby or not, to battling your body everyday.
The thing I love about my body is how strong it is, I can bike hills, run races, and lift heavy things. So thankful to be healthy and able to do any activity I choose to try.
Capucine says
The only thing I can think of is my hair. Browner than it was, but a rare shade of red still when freshly washed.
You know…I don’t often swing through here because I feel glum at how PRETTY you yourself are. To me, a pretty face is a gift postpartum (and at all other times) because it remains. As a plain, trim woman I had contentment. As a plain, heavy mother I have had to accept that I have lost the only attractive angle I had physically. It is new. I am focusing on other gifts I have been given more deeply. But remember your own gift of beauty, mama!
Justina Blakeney says
oh wow. thank you for your kind words–I think we are ALL beautiful–even though there are moments where we feel that way and moment that we don’t–but yes–I am so thankful for all of the gifts I have received. <3
Anonymous says
I actually haven’t read all of the comments above to see if anyone mentioned Diastasis Recti…anyone?
Check to see if you have it; do the finger test. Yep.
It was a huge reason, besides the flap, that I still look/ed pregnant 2 years after the birth of my second child.
Check it out…get informed and see if this may be your issue, too. About 1/3 of women postpartum deal with it. I’ve been working through rehab exercises and wearing a splint, and self-Reiki. :)
Love all of you mamas. Thanks, Justina, for holding space.
Lisa says
I have 4 kids and after each one I was unable to lose a single pound until I stopped nursing. And with each one, I would forget that and be mad about still being so round after the babies. Once I stopped nursing, it was easier to come off. The first baby was 10 years ago and that weight fell off, a year after he was born. The latest one is almost 18 months old and I’m still heavy, but ti’s slowly coming off. That whole bit about the weight falling off while nursing (or even while chasing around toddlers) just isn’t true for every woman. Hang in there. You are beautiful.
Karla says
Hi Justina…My mom told me that it takes TWO YEARS to “recover” after having a baby. I have had three children and it took TWO YEARS to feel normal again every time. You think it’s about your looks but when the time passes you’ll see that it wasn’t the flap that was making you feel like shit…not at all. Becoming a mother is beyond incredible but it is also really fucked up…you are no longer yourself, you loose a part of you, all of your focus is on this being that came into your life..as it should be! But after two years, everything seemed better to me…emotional and physical. Having a C-section sucks and it really does a number on you…i had one with my last baby and it really does make a big difference…it fucks with your head and it took so long for it to stop hurting!! My oldest is 14, my youngest is 3 and I am totally myself again. I am stronger and fitter than i was before the babies!! Tennis has done my body good…My favorite part of my body are my arms, super cut and strong. I started playing after the second baby and I will never stop. I love that my kids know that I love it and I love that my daughter sees me dripping sweat. No, my stomach or butt will never be pre-babies but why should it? I am 40 with three kids…I’m not trippin’ anymore. You won’t either…belive it.
Lindsay says
I feel ya sistah! I actually feel the EXACT same way. Had a C Section 3 months after you… dealing with the flap… my nieces and nephews are excited about the other baby I’m not having… still can’t wear jeans. Who knew I would miss denim so desperately?? Its been great reading all your posts about pregnancy and motherhood since I was just 3 months behind you. When I look down and feel bad I try to think of the fact that what I’m looking at was a safe home I provided for the little boy who is now the light of my life! Is it weird that I want to give you an xo at the bottom of this comment? Oh well xo
-Lindsay, in NJ
Rachel says
I am right there with you. Had the baby 13 months ago. Had the emergency c-sxn. Still have the flap. Also moved to Seattle right before we had the baby (from LA) so we lost the sunshine and great weather!. Not sure how to get the body back other than a little bit at a time. Right now, I love my shoulders – nothing about pregnancy changed them and there is something reassuring about that. Thanks for the beautiful post.
Dominique says
For the record I think Beyonce looks great and she should she is an entertainer with a trainer, chef, nutritionist and staff to babysit while she got her shit together. I noticed she only breastfed little Blue for 6 weeks so she could get back to work.
My son is 8 months now and I haven’t lost all my baby weight either just tried on dresses as I have to go to a friends wedding and got my feelings hurt by the bright mirrors in Bloomingdales.
Anonymous says
i share with you and many other women this project called “a beautiful body”, just about bodies after being a mom…http://www.abeautifulbodyproject.com/
Justina Blakeney says
I actually just supported this project! I think it’s wonderful and really hope they (you?) meet they’re (your?) goal! It’s totally worthy!
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Jen F. says
Thank you for prompting this string, I loved reading it. I have been slowing reading through your past blogs over this year (when I have 5 minutes of peace from my 3 adorable yet very active munchkins) and I love, love the way you write.
I wanted to say (if anyone is still reading this!) that I love my scar! Not my c-section scar (though I do have three of those too) but the scar on my neck from cancer surgery. I “birthed” three malignant tumors nearly 10 years ago. Nearly ever day at some point, I catch myself touching it while I am thinking or or watching the kids play from afar and I have to say that, although I hate cancer, i am changed forever by its presence in a good way. i am thankful for every day as much as I hate cheesy, meaningless, Hallmark, crapola sayings, I truly do remember daily that this day is a gift and I am blessed to be a part of it and not a memory to those who love me!
Amy says
HI Justina :)
Your post made me think back to my first pregnancy and postpartum. It was so hard for me to adjust to all the changes. It was like going through puberty all over again – traumatic!
Your husband sounds sweet. I do appreciate a supportive man :) My husband likes to say, “Well, it is better to wear out than to rust out,” with a smile and a wink.
Nicole says
Two years Justina! Anecdotally, based in my experience and that of my friends, it takes 2 years to feel like yourself again physically. Especially if you are still breastfeeding. I also have never been slim, but I was hourglass -shapely and strong. But that emergency C brought that cursed pouchy-flap thing. And now I’m 1 year postpartum with my 2nd (I think I’m a month or two behind you), and after failed VBAC/second C, I’m going through it all over again. The pouchy-ness, the still looking pregnant, etc. Two years girl! Hang in there!
Also, see if you can get tested for a diastasis recti. That’s when your abdominal muscles have separated during pregnancy and your stomach bulges out rather inelegantly. It makes you look pregnant, no matter how big or small you are. I’ve definitely got it after the second one.
And let me be thankful for one thing about myself. I’m pretty no matter what size. So you know, it’s all okay :)
corlie says
Holy smokes, I think this is the most honest thing I have ever read, and since I missed the whole beginning of your ‘my body is a temple’ series I am even more impressed at your incredible motivation to have gotten to where you are today – being 10 January 2014 – well done!!!!
The amount of motivation and ooomph it must have taken to go from a mindset that was so unhappy with what your body looked like must’ve been incredible.
It’s way easier not to try things that seems too hard… I’ve been faced with things that seem far too impossible to even attempt, and some of them I never did attempt just because I couldnt summon the energy to start. The challenges that I did start and saw through have been worth it through and through, but still, starting is HARD!!
Before I gush anymore, I will just end with saying wow again. Wow.
Oh and I love my belly, its flat, genetically flat. I desperately hope it will be flat post babies…. if not, you will be my inspiration to make it go flat again.
treadmill power says
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I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to looking over your web page for a second time.
Yolandi North says
Loved reading this post, Justina. This topic is so relevant. To moms & women – everywhere. And it still is relevant even years after you wrote it. After more than three years (of having my son), my body is still not ‘back to normal’. My boobs are beyond repair & my tummy – post c-section – looks like it has been through war… Ugg… But, I’m getting there, eating healthily & trying to embrace my mommy figure.
What I love about my body… I LOVE my hands – I have good nails that I love to paint & my hands are small & pretty! I also love my eyes – big, brown & alive. x