So, I’m still breast feeling. I suppose I kinda whisper it when I say that. There are a lot of judgemental people out there who think I’m nuts for still breast-feeding at fourteen months but here we are. There are lots of kinds of parents out there (and lots of kinds of babies, too) and we seem to be the kind of parents and babies that take turns following and leading. We’ve never had Ida on a super-regimented schedule, mostly because WE aren’t on regimented schedules so putting her on one seemed impossible. People have been asking me for over a year how long I plan on breast-feeling and I’ve never had a real answer–or if I did, that answer changed entirely after the alleged date came and went.
Only in the last month has she been sleeping in her crib–and her crib isn’t even in her room– it’s at the foot of our bed! Ha! (but this was still a huge milestone for us!) Only in last month or so has she kinda sorta started sleeping through the night, too–and full disclosure–the only reason that happened at all is because I separated myself from her (and consequently Jason, too) and started to sleep on the sofa in the living room. Now that I type that out it sounds really crazy, but there it is. Ida took the lead on that one. But hey, we BOTH got through most of September with six or so hours of sweet uninterrupted sleep (and our couch is huge and awesome) so, yeah. Now, in the last week, Jason has been putting her to bed with a baba which is a huge change because she (and I) were used to her going to bed on the breast–and for the most part we are now down to one feeding per day–the good ol’ 5AM feeding.
Now that we are close to cutting out the breast-feeding altogether I can admit that as much as it was a pain-in-the-ass (especially in the beginning) I will certainly miss the closeness, the convenience, and the special, sweet one-on-one time. It was such a big challenge to overcome–now it seems like, wait, that’s it?? We’re done?? It sounds SO cliche to talk about how fast it all goes but (wo)man oh (wom)man, it goes fast. I’ve already noticed a change in her behavior too–she doesn’t automatically grope at my breasts anymore if I’m holding her and she is hungry or tired, she points at food or asks for food or a baba. Now that she can walk I think she fancies herself a big girl. Up until now she hasn’t seemed ready to wean, but in the last week or so she seems totally ready, and it’s as though I’M the one that’s not ready! The few times that I have breast-fed her in the last couple of weeks (other than that 5AM feeding) has not been because she’s wanted it, per-say, but more because my breasts had not yet caught up with the new feeding rhythm and were in need of relief.
Overcoming the hurdles and sticking to breast-feeding is probably one of the achievements I’m most proud of in my whole life. That may sound exaggerated, but it’s real. That sh*t is NOT easy and I feel both extremely lucky for having been able to do it, and extremely gratified for having stuck with it. I think I’m most proud of myself because it took an immense amount of patience on my part–and I often feel that patience is one of those qualities that I possess very little of. It’s amazing how having a baby will give you patience, yes? Anyway, now that it seems that Ida is ready to wean, I just have to get ready and follow her lead here, too.
Do you have any weaning experiences you’d like to share? Is this kinda like the post-pregnancy feeling where I have to give myself time to ‘mourn’ before I can totally move on? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
Photos snapped almost exactly one year ago by the lovely and talented Shauna Nep
Well, first of all, congrats on your great achievement, 14 months of breastfeeding is a big deal, it’s a huge commitment and the best gift you could do to your child.
All I have to say is this: if you decide to wean, look at the bottom of your heart and make sure you do it for yourself, and not ever for someone else’s opinion.
Breastfeeding to 2, 3 or 4 years is perfectly NORMAL.
Cheers!
Congrats on a job well done! I felt similarly when my daughter was that age, and she was weaned for most part by about 18 months, but continued to have a feed maybe just in the morning, or when particularly upset, maybe only every few days until she turned two. The day after her second birthday she tried to feed and said “yucky” lol, and that was it. 2 years, 1 day. I felt that very gradual finish made it very easy on both of us. Good luck x
Way to go, mama! Huge achievement! You have every right to feel proud, don’t whisper!!!! It is a worthy commitment that deserves at least a little fanfare! ;)
We’re still breastfeeding (EBF, actually, she will barely eat anything) at 18 months, and it has been half wonderful, half hellish. We, butad mastitis twice and a milk bleb (I pray you never know such agony) which lasted three months. But we got past it, and the last year has been so precious.
My son weaned himself by 11 months and I was heartbroken, so getting another chance 12 years later has been such a blessing. It is rough at times still, since we bedshare and she feels entitled to visit Mom’s All-Night Diner, but I remind myself that she won’t be a baby forever! I’m going to wean on her time, though I’m crossing my fingers that it’ll be before preschool! haha!
An extra bonus? Normalizing breastfeeding for our son Henry. Granted, it’s probably weird sometimes when Agnes pops off and he catches a sight, but the fact that he’s 13 and seeing this as completely mundane makes me hopeful that he will be less inclined to sexualize breasts AND that he’ll be supportive of his wife (if he marries).
Justina,
I also breastfed my first son 14 months and loved every minute of it. At the end of those 14 months I had basically only been feeding him once in the evening more as cuddling than really as feeding. At that time I took an evening class and therefore my husband ended up giving bottles in the evening. Every second night and then every 2 out of 3 and then somehow 10 days were gone and I hadn’t fed him and it was over just like that. At that moment I really felt a pinch because I had loved those moments of intimacy skin to skin with my boy. But then it ended very naturally, without crying, or major drama for each of us which I am super grateful for. But boy was it a great experience.
Now boy #2 turns 6 months old tomorrow and hasn’t seen anything else in this time but my boobs except for the first two days at the hospital. (tiny shrimp needed a little supplement before my super production started). His pattern of drinking is a total mess and he hasn’t ever slept a night through in 6 months (#1 started sleeping at 7 weeks and from 12 weeks on drank only 4 times a day an hour each). But even though I lack the sleep I still love this other feeding experience as much as with my first boy. It’s so easy and convenient, really! I don’t even want to start diversifying him because I’ll have to start carrying stuff around. :)
I don’t know how long I’ll breastfeed him, but those six months have gone by so fast. Breastfeeding is really about how you feel about it, and no one can take this away from you.
Good luck with the weaning and the letting go. I think that it’s really, us moms that it hurts the most :)
Have a lovely day
Fantastic job! I breastfed my twins until 18 months and also had a really hard first few months establishing enough milk and good technique. I was and still am so proud of myself and my girls for doing such a good job of it. I’m about 10 weeks with baby #3 at the moment and i’m so looking forward to being able to bf again. Its awesome.
Brava, Justina! You and Ida are having the perfect weaning experience. You will miss the closeness nursing brings, but I found that reading books while my newly weaned girls sat on my lap was a nice substitute. Best of luck with the next phase of parenting.
Hi justina, just wondering, what is a baba? Never heard that one before!
x
It’s what Ida calls a bottle :D
I agree with you that sticking it out with breastfeeding with all its challenges has been one of the things I am most proud of. I’m not anxious to wean my daughter because I feel like I JUST got the hang of it and she is 9 months old! No need to whisper that you’re still breastfeeding at 14 months. Hold your head high mighty momma because you are amazing!
We are all so different. I never got the “same rules for ever baby” thingy… They are individual little beings and they want different things. My kids sure did! And it all works out in the end,,, And eventually one gets to sleep again. And they grow up and still need you sometimes and those moments are precious.
Best of luck!
Congrats to you! Its funny how at the beginning you think, “I just want to make it 3 months or 6 months” or whatev and then all of a sudden it is such a natural normal part of your life that it isn’t a goal anymore–it’s just life. I fed Ruby until 14 months. She was eating solids like crazy and getting teeth (ouch) and it was just time. You’re doing the right thing…cut down slowly and then eventually you just slip in a new routine during that last expected feeding. 14 months is AWESOME! I’m preg with my second and getting ready for that all over again–this time it doesn’t feel like a hurdle. It feels as normal as buying diapers. :)
Hey Justina, just wanted to send you a high five from one breast feeding mom to another. You are so right that it is a very gradifing thing, very “mommy” thing. It is also true that although it is a all incomupusing thing when it is over, you look back and say wait it’s all over?!? It has been many years since I nursed my children but as a mom I can say that there are so many wonderful things I’ve done for my children, this was deffinetly one of them. Chairous ever minute with your baby, they really do grow up too fast.
As a grandmother, you brought back memories!! I nursed both my children for roughly six months each. It wasn’t that I wanted to stop but in addition to my son biting, I had to work. When my daughter in law wanted to wean at roughly 18 months due to a trip she wanted to take, I went to stay with my grandson. He was fine, and when she came back and he thought about nursing, she just said it was all gone. He thought about it for a minute and went back to playing.
It is a rite of passage, and like all of them, there’s sadness as well as pride. As a special experience, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world either.
I breast fed each of my sons for 13 months – both of them weaned themselves at that point, pretty much right after they started walking and sort of realized the world didn’t begin and end with mom! It was bittersweet for me but they were ready – and yes, a little bit of mourning for that is totally expected and normal…then you get a new feeling, one of freedom in the new stage of NOT being a food source…and so it will go as she grows and develops…for me, this has gone on forever so far (all my kids are teens right now)!
It’s NORMAL to breastfeed beyond a year! Solid food is just for experimenting before a year, and breast milk is still very important beyond a year. The WHO & AAP recommend 2 yrs and longer if desired by mom. My first son self-weaned at 2 1/2, and my second son is still nursing before bed at 3 1/2. I hear you about sleeping though! It does take a long time before they don’t need to wake at night for milk. Congratulations on making it this far!! Just don’t wean because you feel pressured by society! Follow baby’s needs.
my baby boy is almost exactly the same age as your Ida, and we still breastfeed at night (and through the night!) and in the morning. i treasure the time we have together, even though i want to cry sometimes when he wakes up for the fourth, fifth, sixth time at night! i love it, he loves it, and i would proudly say that to any haters out there!
This is such a beautiful post! Its stories like these that make me feel so inspired to keep on pushing forward with breast feeding. We’re at 6 months now :-)
People are strangely judgmental about breastfeeding, even though Sophie is only 6 months I often get asked when will I be switching to formula.
You should be so chuffed with yourself! Well done! *round of applause*
It’s all good,so don’t let anything or anyone make you feel otherwise. Nursing/parenting is not one size fits all-my first nursed till he was almost 3, and I initiated weening because I was pregnant again, He slept in our bed till 3, and transitioned easily to his own bed and room at age 3. My second weaned herself by 18 months, and also slept with us till she was 3. I never planned any of this, it just kind of happened, and though I had almost 5 years of interrupted sleep,I would do it all over again.
I was so happy to read this because I am in a really similar boat!! My little dude just turned 1 and we’re still nursing (and waking a lot in the night). I’ve started getting worried about maybe not being able to make the transition happen, so it’s awesome to hear your success story. I also think I will have a hard time – I love the intimacy of nursing! With that plus the health benefits, I think there is definitely nothing to be ashamed about in nursing this long.
Congrats on breastfeeding for so long! I had a friend who wanted desperately to breastfeed her child and she just couldn’t. With my last child, I did baby led weening and just offered her more regular milk during the day. One day, she just stopped… and it was bittersweet.
Congrats!! Breastfeeding is truly a wonderful and gorgeous. I breastfed #1 for 22 months and #2 for 15 months. It is crazy how after one year people change from being all, “well done, you’re such a great mom” to “how long are you going to breastfeed??”. I had to become a closet breastfeeder because I felt the weight of judgment upon me. Thankfully I stuck with it until they both self-weaned. Now they’re 4 and 6 and I miss those lovely, close moments with my girls. the first gradually reduced until something about my milk changed (I was pregnant) and she just stopped. The second loved food too much to be bothered with the boob anymore. Good luck!
You go beautiful and patient momma! I loved this post. And you described the sacrifice of breastfeeding so well. A pain but something you feel so empowered and relieved to have stuck with. And of course that mourning period is so important. I wished I had stuck longer but I was too tired from all the night wakings, sometimes 8 and 9 times, and when my daughter was around 10 months old, I decided to wean her. If I have a second child, I will think of you and try to last longer because in the end, time does really fly by. And our babies are going to grow no matter what. Sweet and important post, so thanks for sharing.
Beautiful pics, first of all. Secondly, I too got the side eye when I was still breast feeding my son at 15 months and I was 6 months pregnant with my second! Anywho I enjoyed the convenience, closeness, and cost of breast feeding and while I wanted to wean earlier I just saw no way out. And quite frankly I don’t remember how it ended but at 15 months it did. I think I used the don’t offer method. As long as baby didn’t ask I didn’t offer the breast and that worked. I wish you and your family the best. Be well.
Aww weaning is bittersweet indeed. My first, at 16 months, said “no” one night as I was about to nurse him to sleep and rolled away from me. That was it!
Now I’m nursing my nearly 13 month old as much as he wants when I’m home from work and at night. He and I sleep together in my bed and my husband is sleeping with the 5 year old. So your sleeping on the couch doesn’t sound crazy at all :). Congrats on making it to the other side!
This sad time really does turn into sweet snuggles without as much exhaustion…. but I cry every time I wean (I weaned at 2/12 years for the first two & 19 mths for my 3rd). Us non-scheduled people need to write books so not everyone puts themselves up against a standard of scheduling…but then we’d have to be scheduled to get a book done hahhaa
(Wo)man, oh (wo)man was this exactly what I needed to read while feeding Felix in bed at 1.30AM. Thank you! xxx
I can’t wait to meet him mama! He is SO cute!!!
Justina, I was not able to breast feed either of my kids. It just didn’t work for me and even the Lactose Nurse told me to stop!! We stayed close though in other ways and I still was the one feeding all the “baba’s” to my babies. What I really wanted to tell you though is what to do when you stop. I see that no one on the blog has mentioned that yet…
It gets painful because there is no place for that milk to go. There used to be a pill to dry it up but I am not sure if it is still around. Some one told me about this trick and I thought they were crazy, but I did it anyway because I was in pain and it was taking for the milk to dry up naturally. So here it is…. CABBAGE. I know it sounds strange. Put on a sports bra and stuff it with layers of cold cabbage. Change the cabbage layers every few hours. I don’t know why, but it worked for me. You can probably google and find out. I am not sure if google was even around the first time I did it! lol! Best of luck with the weening. Ida is a doll! My great Aunt’s name was Ida Fay!
My last baby didn’t sleep through the night until she weaned. I miss it SO much. I nursed my first 2 (preemie twins) for over a year and I totally say the same thing about it being an accomplishment I am most proud of. I’m an expat living in Central America. It is so easy to nurse here… you can do it wherever and nobody cares or acts uncomfortable. When I go to the States I get really self-conscious. I wish the culture was different about this issue there. I think it would be easier on mommies and better for babies! Cudos to you, you should be proud!
I love that you have gotten so many deeply personal and supportive responses to this post. It is a wonderful reflection that this journey of parenting is so very personal. It makes me squirm to think that you are getting judgmental ANYTHING from anyone. Feeding and sleeping are puzzles for everyone not just babies or children. Bring up the topic of food and sleep at the next dinner party.
Celebrate if you and Jason have found what works for your family.
The other piece is what we are adults might have imagined parenting would be and what these miraculous creatures might need. I intended to breast feed my son for 6 months. I was a working mother and it was a great challenge. He did not stop until after he was 2! It will all pass in the blink of an eye the sweet closeness and the never-ending nights without sleep. The weening will be another personal puzzle for your family to figure out together. Enjoy it all.
Congrats on 14 months. That is wonderful.
I weaned at 9 months – my son got 6 teeth in a 2 week period of time and all he wanted to do was bite. Not fun.
The first 2 days of not breastfeeding were incredibly emotional for me and then it was ok.
In some ways it was really nice to get my body back. First time I was not pregnant or breast feeding in 18 months! My body was just mine.
Justina, I can’t believe people think you’re crazy for breastfeeding longer than a year! I nursed Lily for 18 months (and that was with a full time job outside of the home), don’t ever feel pressured to stop before you’re ready. Also, try be ready for the rush of hormones that happen when you stop nursing – or at least try to identify when it happens. Some experience something similar to a post partum depression after they stop nursing. You look so loving in these shots.
Justina, both my boys nursed until they were 30 months (they weaned at almost the exact same age). I had problems in the beginning with the older one, but it was one of the few things I was committed to doing. So I stuck it out and am so glad I did. It was such a sweet time. In the end, the last remaining nursing was at nap time. Unfortunately, once they weaned, they gave up napping too. So I substituted quiet reading time and we’d snuggle then.
As others have said, wean when either Ida’s ready or you are, not when it feels society is ready for you to do it. And in response to the mom who suggested cabbage leaves, I suspect that she had more milk still in because she wasn’t able to nurse. That would be terribly painful. For me, and I suspect a lot of other women, gradual weaning also means a lot less milk production, so no pain when the kid is done.
Hi Justina, good job!! I nursed my 2 girls until they were about 15 months and I loved it. I quit because they asked for milk in the grocerystore and besides the explicit question, they also tried to pull down my shirt right between the candy bars and the icecream-section :). That was a little too much for me, but honestly, I missed those intimate moments early in the morning and I wonder: didn’t I quit nursing mostly because I was worried what other people would think of me still nursing at this age? I seriously don’t know what is the best age to quit considering their health (and our culture?!). Follow your heart and it’s okay to take you’re time to adjust to the new situation :) thanx for sharing, good to know I’m not the only one!!
Justina, thank you for being such a beautiful
example of humility and vulnerability. Your sharing at the level that you do liberates others and gives permission for others to embrace and honor they way they decide to wean their children. It is a dance that you and Ida and Jason are doing. I would like to add that the three of you dance beautifully.
You are wonderfully intuitive, sensitive and responsive to Ida’s cues. Keep doing what you are doing.
Warm regards.
I don’t have any kids of my own yet so I can’t speak from my own experience, but as far as my own childhood, I was breastfed well past two years old (so were my younger sister and brother). My mother had to deal with a lot of snarky comments from judgmental people, especially people in our own family, aunts and uncles of mine. They’d say things like “does she want a cookie with that milk!?” We learned to just laugh it off. Breastfeeding, pregnancy, children — these are all VERY personal things and a lot of personal decisions come along with them. We all need to just do what feels best to us. And, scientifically, breast feeding is extremely healthy!
No need to feel embarrassed about anything you mentioned. I’m still breastfeeding my son at 15 months. He moved to a crib in our room at 6 months, and to a crib in another room a month ago. That said, he’s been mostly in our bed for the last 3 months due to moving and teething. I dream of the day he is weaned so I can go out at night once in a while, but it will be no time soon; baby’s with me all day every day and I’m the only one home at bedtime. Good luck on this new stage!
I didn’t breastfeed my children, but I wish I had. I say do it until YOU decide to stop. You do what’s best for you and Miss Ida and no one know that better than you.
So, as long as you’re at home most of the time, breastfeeding should remain consistent. I stayed at home with my little boy while in grad school and was able to BF through 16 months, all the way to the final nurse at 19 months. the last few months were really just for comfort, when we were travel back home to NorCal for the holidays.
Keep her in the crib! You’ll get a much better sleep, and she’ll enjoy the sounds of your sleep, just like when you co-slept. Good to get it out now – our 4yo boy (same as above) goes down in his bed and we wake up every morning with an extra guest in the bed. Our second was in the crib at 3 months. We cut that in the bud!
I breasted my second child till just past his third birthday. I never set out to breast fees this long it just happened. People still think it was crazy of me. I could not pump and he wouldn’t take a bottle anyways. Also as he got older he nursed less and less towards that last year it was mainly in the early morning he would want to nurse and who could blame him. As hard as it was I was always thankful that he nursed every time he became ill or was in pain. Like the times we ended up in the hospital! I just let him wean himself mostly because I didn’t know any other way. I just did what felt natural. Not to say that sometimes I did not feel like nursing lol Don’t let others opinions decided how to wean your baby! You are a beautiful person and seem like a great mom:) Good luck!
I weaned my son at 13 months and my daughter at 12 months and with both of them it was a gradual, mutual weaning process. Then, they both just woke up one day and decided they didn’t want to nurse anymore. Initially, it felt weird, I always thought of it as our special thing that no one else could do with them, and that we would lose our special bond. That quickly faded and I realized I was trippin’. Then I realized the freedom I had again (no more dragging that pump to work or running late because I had to nurse that baby prior to getting in the car, or planning if I was going to have a drink) my body was my own and I was ready to have it back. Great job on nursing for as long as you have!